Hey everyone. I have typed this post up about 4 different times as it is a very difficult subject for me to admit and talk about. But i feel as a young mother trying to reach other moms out there that this is something i need to write about. It is a huge part of my life and i really hope i can help someone by sharing my experience.
So to start out i suffer from severe anxiety disorder. Pretty much everything makes me anxious, whether it be going to the park, visiting a family member or even getting groceries. It doesn’t matter what the activity is i always have some type of fear. This started when i was younger around the time my grandma passed, my parents divorced and i had to switch schools, around grade 7. Over the years it has come and go and now about 8 years later i find myself in the worst state i’ve ever been in my entire life. Its never been this bad. I recently dropped out of college because i couldn’t physically get myself into a classroom. I tried, i don’t know how else to explain it other then whenever i tried to go to class i would feel sick. So sick that id have to run to the bathroom. And i would continuously feel this way until i removed myself from the situation. I can’t work, i can’t hangout with friends, i can’t even go to a restaurant without some case of anxiety.
I tried going to see a social worker and i could barely get myself to the appointments. I felt the same symptoms and just stopped going. I am trying out workbooks and i will be sure to let you know how they go.
The thing that bothers me the most is I don’t know why i feel this way. My worker keeps telling me to find the “why’s” but i have yet to find them. I feel like my daughter is my security blanket. She eases some of the anxiety.I am trying so hard to get through this but i’m finding myself so deep in the problem and i only seem to be getting deeper.
I am still working on a solution to my problem but the moral of this post is that if your suffering, your not alone! Your never alone and it’s so important to get help! I will always be here to talk and i encourage you to speak. I am sorry this post is all over the place. Even though it is hard to talk about it needs to be out there. I have written this about 4 times now and i’ve been working on it for a solid week. It’s hard, it’s very hard to admit you need help but once you do it can only go uphill from there!
I will see you all soon, Jamie